When researching abortion stories for our “Abortion Regret” series one thing always jumps out at me, as almost a certainty; abortion destroys relationships.
There are a few different scenarios but they all seem to result in the same thing:
In one version a young man will practically force his girlfriend to get an abortion, afterwards she feels dejected… The young man will see the emotional turmoil wrought, and he will flee. Leaving her twice as heart-broken, “that was a close one”, he probably thinks.
In another common scenario, the woman will decide to have an abortion independently of her partner. Whether she was influenced by family, friends, or cared more about her career… In this variant the male was not on board, but she goes ahead anyway; it is easy to see that the relationship is over. The man feels deeply betrayed, she didn’t listen to him. Whether it takes a week or a year, this hurt will manifest.
Conversely, if male is totally on board with his partners “brave” decision. He holds her hand in the clinic, and whispers sweet nothings in her ear; “we’re just not ready yet.”
But wait, that relationship doesn’t sound ruined? Initially it isn’t. Tell me, do you think she could possibly respect a man who would go along with terminating his child, without even the slightest objection or fight?
What does this say about him as a man? It says to her that he absolutely in no way fulfills even the most basic role of a man. He didn’t even try to protect his child, will he protect her? Even if it’s just subconscious, the man who goes along with an abortion shows a lack of virtue so pronounced; the woman will never look at him the same again. She might not be able to put her finger on it, she will despise him for it, especially if she is one of the many women who are left with regrets.
It is almost always the case that a secret resentment is born after an abortion.
Sometimes one or both people go into the abortion harbouring doubt. Of course this comes up at a later date and raises even more doubt, but this time about honesty and trust.
Needless to say that these relationships are dissolved with startling consistency.
Even if all these factors are not at play (which is rare). Both parties are fine with terminating their baby, non were unduly pressured, non harbour secret doubt or resentment, and non will go on to regret it later at life… The whole relationship is still called into question.
Why? Because when your partner doesn’t want to repuce with you; it undoubtably calls you as a person into question.
Think about it, would a woman want an abortion if she was with the perfect man? Would a man want an abortion if he was with the perfect woman?
Even if the answer is yes to both of these questions, these questions are still inevitably raised. “What does he think of me? Is he holding out for something better?” Or; “why doesn’t she want my child? Does she think I’m immature?”
You get the picture. These questions are a logical certainty. For example, a lot of reasons put forth for abortion are really about the other partners short comings! “He’s not that stable. We’re just messing around. We’re quite immature. I am unsure of the future between us. I don’t think we could do it. He doesn’t have a good enough job yet.”
These are just a few examples from real stories that repeat time after time.
Lesson; if you want your partner to respect you, if you want to preserve your relationship; do not have an abortion.